Friday, October 19, 2007

Porn Titles for AFI Top 100 Movies

In what may be the most immature writing exercise of all time, I have changed the titles of the American Film Institute Top 100 Movies so that they are now titles of porns.

In other news, I've recently learned that family friends read this blog. Possibly also potential employers. Look away, gentlemen, look away. I am so deeply ashamed.

I'm sure some of these really exist, but there's no way I'm linking to them.* Kids read this shit.

100. Yank My Noodle, Randy
99. Guess Who's Coming At Dinner
98. Your Dick Bitten
97. Bringing It Up Baby's Ass
96. The Smearers
95. Pulp Fuckin'
94. GoodFuckas
93. The Dorm Room
92. A Place in the Come
91. My Fair Lady And Her Hot Sister

90. The Lead Guitarist
89. Gaggin'
88. It's Easy To Ride Her
87. Frank's Back Nine [isn't that slang for something? He plays the back nine? Maybe I just made that up.]
86. Cute Annie Gets Bouncy
85. Duck Slut
84. Women of Fargo
83. Thirty to Fifty Men
82. Giant Cocks
81. Modern Times, Modern Women

80. The Wild Bush
79. The Doe Hunter
78. Rockettes
77. Anne Ericka Does The Grammies
76. City Nights
75. Dances With Wolves, Drinking With Bitches
74. The Golden Shower Rush
73. Wuthering Highs
72. Beniffer Stolen Backstage Sex Tape
71. Forrest Cunt

70. The French Connection in My Pants
69. Shame
68. Anne Ericka In Paris
67. The Manchurian Whore On Dates
66. Dick Work
65. The Silence of the Furries
64. Close Encounters of the Turd Kind
63. Stage Shows
62. Pootie
61. Virgin O's

60. Karen Allen is So Damn Sexy
59. Gay For James Dean
58. Dizney's Fantasia Ft. the Marching Broom Handles
57. The Third Leg
56. Korean Nurses Gone Wild
55. Austrian MILFs Gone Wild
54. All Quiet For West Coast Cunts
53. Nice Wig: A History of German Fucking, 1756-1791
52. Come in My Hair, Drink My Pee
51. Philadelphia Whores Gone Wild

50. When Butches Find Their Cassidies
49. Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs Stolen Backstage Sex Tape
48. Aching Jaws
47. Taxi Cab Confessionals [*except for this, of course. HBO iz teh awesum!!!!1!]
46. My Cunt Worked Pink
45. A Hooker Named Desire
44. The Birth Of A Dalmation [I'm thinking Knocked Up for the furry crowd]
43. King Cock
42. Rear Entrance
41. West Side Sucky

40. Peter North By Peter North West
39. Nurse Zhivago
38. Double Teaming A Stripper Named Destiny
37. The Best Fucks of Our Lives
36. Brokeback Mountain
35. It Happened One Night, Then Went On For Several More Nights
34. To Kill A Hooker
33. High Poon
32. The Load-buster
31. Annie Balls

30. Whores of the Sierra Madre
29. Mrs. Smith Does Washington
28. A Cock, A Lips - Now!
27. Bonnie, Clyde, And A Couple of Other Guys
26. Eyes Wide Shut
25. E.T. - The Engorged Transvestite
24. Raging Bulls, Horny Heffers
23. The Maltese Fuckin'
22. 2001: A Pretty Good Year For Sex
21. The Balls of Wrath

20. One Came On To The Cuckoo's Neck: The Best Pearl Necklaces of 1975
19. Chinatown Bathroom Hidden Camera
18. Psycho Bitches
17. African Queens
16. Balls About Eve
15. Jar-Jar Binks Being Gang Raped
14. Some Like Getting It In The Sauna
13. The Dick On The River Kwai Starring 18-Year-Old Newcomer River Kwai
12. Sunset Blew Him Hard Featuring 19-Year-Old Sunset Kwai
11. It's A Wonderful Life Starring Jimmy Stewart (1946)

10. Fuckin' In The Rain
9. Schindler's Dick
8. Public Exposure On The Waterfront
7. The Graduate 2: Mrs. Robinson's New Seductions
6. The Wizzer of Oz: Best in Golden Showers From the Emerald City [tag line: "Pay no attention to the women behind the curtain."]
5. Lawrence of 101 Arabian Nights
4. Come With the Wind
3. The Godmother
2. Wild On Casablanca

and, of course...

1. Citizen Cunt

That's it. I'm never getting in to elected office.



ps - I just realized that, although I'd written this almost a month ago, it was spending all day reading Encyclopedia Dramatica that convinced me it was, by comparison with the rest of the internet, not too shameful to post.

6 comments:

BFF said...

I think you might have too much free time dear.

The same can't be said for me reading it - I'm just waiting for the bathroom.

ribble said...

Bathroom reading is about the most I can hope for from this post.

Mak said...

and by the way, I read this before we hired you. hysterical.

ribble said...

No way. :-o

Wow.

AB said...

You will be happy to know that your mother did not read this post in its entirety. The #1 title waas completely adequate.

ribble said...

Oh dear.