Irony Air

I've decided the secret to air travel is to pretend your travel experience is more convenient than everybody else's. This is surprisingly easy because so many people pretend their travel experience is more difficult than everyone else's.

You must play to this man's strengths. If you are carrying a laptop, remember that he is carrying a larger laptop. When disembarking a plane for a tight connection, remember as he shoves past you to retrieve his rolling suitcase from above your seat that this man has an even tighter connection. He will remind you of this by catching you in his gaze and rolling his eyes, trying to elicit a mutual disdain for the passengers in front of you and their lack of willingness to push past the passengers in front of them.

At all times, you must exhibit an attitude of unrushed detachment. Once on board - shoulders relaxed, seat leaned ever-so-slightly back, bags stowed, magazine or portable gaming device in hand, you will order a cocktail you reserve for such occasions and, once finished, order another. After all, for you, this flight is exactly where you'd always hoped to be.