Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Internet Time Waste #44: Fortune Cookie Chronicles

Finally, a new way to waste your time on the internet.

Tonight's internet time waste: Jennifer 8. Lee's The Fortune Cookie Chronicles.

Fortune Cookie Chronicles is one of those classic modern ideas - take something all Americans have some kind of relationship with (American Chinese food) pursue the idea to the ends of the Earth and then smear it across a plethora of mediums (book, blog, and upcoming documentary) like so much garlic sauce on so much stir-fried chicken.

Great, now I'm hungry.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Internet Time Waste #43: Photoshop Disasters

Finally, a new way to waste your time on the internet.

Today's internet time waste: Photoshop Disasters.

Here's their best of 2010.

Once you get used to these, you start looking for them everywhere. Reminds me of Jesse Epstein's "Wet Dreams and False Images."

Internet Time Waste #42: This is Why You're Fat

Finally, a new way to waste your time on the internet.

Today's internet time waste: This is Why You're Fat.

Funny story: since I started reading This is Why You're Fat, I've lost 15 pounds.

Internet Time Waste #41: Mental Floss Magazine

Finally, a new way to waste your time on the internet.

Tonight's internet time waste: Mental Floss Magazine, "Where Knowledge Junkies Get Their Fix."

Monday, February 14, 2011

Internet Time Waste #40: The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players

Finally, a new and unique way to waste your precious time on the internet.

Today's internet time waste: the various videos, spinoffs, Facebook pages and Wikipedia entries of the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players.

These guys are just a tiny bit harder to blog about then the motley bullshit I've been posting lately. They're a family of musicians (husband, wife, daughter) who mostly write songs about boxes of slides they pick up at garage sales and such like, then play along with the slideshow.

Now, in my big, secret list of personal time wasters from which I'm getting my big, public amalgamation of time wasters for you, I just have this link to the video for the Trachtenburg Family song"Mountain Trip to Old Japan" (it's even a bit higher quality than the embed below.)

Where did I find this thing? Who knows?

Now, I'd say this is a pretty representative video, but of course I started poking around. Predictable, as a kinda cute, kinda indie established mid-level act, the TFSP have a wide and diverse internet presence.

So then the question becomes, just how much do you want to know about this family? I mean, daughter Rachel has been an active musician since she was six years old. Of COURSE you're going to be able to find video of her ragging on Bloomberg in a public hearing. I'm not linking to it, though, because we are here to waste your time - not to watch other people waste theirs.

Then the issue is, what do I link to? I say, let's keep things simple. Let's Go On Tour With Kate (i.e. Nash) is my favorite TFSP song so far, so here ya go:

Internet Time Waste #39: Tane

Finally, a new, if inexplicable, way to waste your time on the internet.

This morning's internet time waste: Tane.

(Put on those headphones for this, boy.)

Internet Time Waste #38: Greatest Movie Murders

Finally, a new way to waste your time on the internet.

Tonight's internet time waste: cartoonist Stephen Notley's brother Paul's list of the 100 Greatest Movie Murders

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Internet Time Waste #37: Dozens of Interviews with Nathan Fillion

Finally, a new way to waste your time on the internet.

Today's internet time waste: dozens of interviews with Nathan Fillion.

Internet Time Waste #36: Sawbuck Gamer

Finally, a new way to waste your time on the internet.

This morning's time sink: the collected Sawbuck Gamer, gathering years of AV Club columns about cheap games.

I know Sawbuck through Teti. Ages ago, Teti wrote a blog called [Blank] of the Day, which he's since largely taken down. With a lot of dedication, you can read through the archives, post by post, by following this link to a post Teti wrote where he explains why he isn't apologizing for not posting the day before and clicking the links below.

Know how I said I was here to waste your time, not mine? Well, I've read through those archives twice. Quick summary: funny.

Internet Time Waste #35: The Longest Poem in the World

Yes, this is it at long last: a new way to waste your time on the internet.

Tonight's internet time waste: The Longest Poem in the World

From the about page:

"The Longest Poem in the World" is composed by aggregating real-time
public twitter updates and selecting those that rhyme.

It is constantly growing at ~4000 verses / day.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Internet Time Waste #34: The Michael Showalter Showalter

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

This afternoon's time waste: The Michael Showalter Showalter.

I saw this guy in a coffee shop in Cobble Hill very, very early one morning and freaked him out by staring at him.

ribble: the picture of class.

Internet Time Waste #33: Angry Zen Master & Monkeys for Helping

Finally, a special and unique way to fritter away lonely hours online.

This morning's internet time waster: Angry Zen Master

Angry Zen Master is a nerd entertainment aggregator blog. It kinda reminded me of Monkeys for Helping, which I've linked to before but not in this context. So I went and checked MfH again and, low and behold, both linked to this extraordinary Bollywood terminator derivative:


Internet Time Waste #32: Freakonomics Blog

Finally, a new way to waste your time on the internet.

This internet time waste is The Freakonomics blog hosted by the New York Times.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Internet Time Waste #31: Eliza Skinner

Finally, a unique way to waste time online.

Today's internet time waste: the fucked-up mind of Eliza Skinner.

We showed one of Eliza's videos at Iron Mule back in the day. I picked up the DVD from her and I was all implying she should be all excited to see her short in front of an audience and she was all "yeah, I did that motherfucker on STAGE, BITCH!!"

(I'm, uh, paraphrasing.)

And then she quit her day job and went pro, so, BOY. Egg on MY face, I tells ya.

At time of writing, Eliza's latest project is Nasty Cute, in which she writes inappropriate stream-of-consciousness captions for photos of animals, from the animals' perspectives.

Here's that particular short in that I may pique your curiosity:

Internet Time Waste #30: Ukulele Lessons

Finally, a new way to kill some time on the internet.

Tonight's time waste: Learn to Play the Ukulele.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Internet Time Waste #29: The Unshelved Book Club

At long last, a new way to waste time on the internet.

Today's electronic time sink: The Unshelved Book Club.

Unshelved is a webcomic about librarians. For a long time, I thought all the book reviews were written by the author of Unshelved, Gene Ambaum. Turns out there's a whole crew.

Internet Time Waste #28: La Pulcina Piccola

Finally, a novel manner in which to fritter away your hours on the internet.

Tonight's installment: The Secret Diaries of La Pulcina Piccola (Chicken Little.)

La Pulcina is the star of an extended opera (in miniature.) You can hear the story of the opera in This American Life's 2007 Poultry Slam.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Internet Time Waste #27: Randy Cohen on McSweeney's

Finally, this, the wonderment of a way to use your internet connection in order that you may waste your own time.

Today's internet time waste: Randy Cohen week on McSweeney's.

I know Cohen from his podcast, The Ethicist, which you can find at the New York Times website.

Internet Time Waste #26: The Regret Index

Finally, the once-in-a-lifetime novelty of a new place to waste time on the internet.

Tonight's time sink: the Regret Index.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Internet Time Waste #25: The Book of Ratings

Finally, you can waste time on the internet with little research or prelude.

This afternoon's internet time waste: The Book of Ratings. These are one man's ratings of everything, with a particular focus on pop culture minutiae.

I found the Book through the TV Tropes page on The Scrappy, which refers to this page in the book of ratings.

I am ballparking now and anticipating somewhere north of 100 of these posts, BTW. With my new, two-a-day pace that's, what? Another month and a half of content?

That sounds about right.

Internet Time Waste #24: Videojug

Finally, you as well as others can waste time on the internet.

This post's internet time waste: Videojug, a collection of How-To videos.

First video I watched here: How to avoid trapped arm whilst cuddling in bed. I've tried a few of these techniques since, and I believe the key is to show the other person this video beforehand so they are unconsciously compliant once the time comes.

Also: charmingly British.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Internet Time Waste #23: Stand for Christmas

Finally, something something time waste something.

Today's internet time waste: Stand for Christmas?

Finally (as of 2009), a site that dares to ask (and even rank) the Christmas-friendliness of retailers.

Internet Time Waste #22: Google Search Stories

Finally another of many ways to waste your own time on this, the internet.

Tonight's internet time waste: Google's surprisingly moving Search Stories.

I started this project because I had a folder full of internet time wasters and nothing to do with them. For some reason (possibly because as I write this in late January, I have been reading a lot of Homestuck), I decided to post the links in this folder reverse chronologically, with the sites I bookmarked most recently at the beginning and the sites I bookmarked the longest time ago in our distant future.

At this point, I'm posting something that even I remember getting overshared back when the first one came out. This is by no means a new way to waste your time on the internet - I'm actually slowly getting in to older and older ways.

It turns out, though, that most of these time wasting sites I bookmarked oh so long ago have aged pretty well. Like this, for example: Search Stories turned out to be pretty moving despite the fact that we are talking about basically a giant ad (maybe because this is a new medium for our modern age? Or something about a missing narrator? I dunno whatever not the point.)

The nice thing about posting a bunch of bookmarks that were no use to anybody, on this blog that I certainly wasn't using for anything for the last year or so, to an audience of nobody under headlines that already profess that everything contained therein is a waste of time: I am setting the notability bar pretty low.

Of course, I reserve the right to give up at any time.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Internet Time Waste #21: Metafilter

Finally, a new way to go about beginning to waste your time on the internet. A way, that is, which is new for you.

Metafilter is a crowd-sourced blog. Results: of interest.

Internet Time Waste #20: Robot Unicorn Attack

Finally, another way to waste time on the internet.

Tonight's internet time waste: [adult swim]'s Robot Unicorn Attack.

Enjoy trying to get that theme music out of your pretty little brain.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

Internet Time Waste #19: Mahjong

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

Today's internet time waste: free online Mahjong.

Internet Time Waste #18: Ritchie Wilson

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

Ritchie Wilson's movies are pretty funny.

Friday, February 04, 2011

Internet Time Waste #17: Kevan Davis

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

This afternoon, the various inventions and endeavors of Kevan Davis, a freelance developer.

I am thinking of changing the tagline for this feature, which I think may be overstating my case. Are these really NEW ways to waste time on the internet?

Internet Time Waste #16: Fast Pass TV

Fast Pass TV links to places you can download or stream TV and movies for free, even new releases.

Illegal? Illegal is such a dirty word. But yes you are stealing and will burn in hell.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Internet Time Waste #15: UbuWeb

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

So you know that feeling like you've wandered in to someone else's online universe and you just don't know where to begin or where the exits are? Welcome to UbuWeb.

UbuWeb is some sort of avant-garde art link clearing house, I don't know. This stuff is complicated. I couldn't even make it through their Wikipedia entry. I'd feel a little guilty linking to something I didn't fully understand if I thought anyone was reading this.

I think I only discovered UbuWeb because of something a friend said. I had thought I only wandered on there because Kevin Maher linked to the Sun Ra film Space Is the Place in one of his show emails, but actually it turned out Kevin had linked to the Sun Ra Batman Concept Album, which, trust me, makes much more sense. Which I'm now realizing means that I book marked Space Is The Place on my own, then never watched it.

Just because I have not fully grasped UbuWeb doesn't mean that you shouldn't try. I'm just here to waste your time rather than my own. For some, UbuWeb is serious business.

Such is the pull of UbuWeb that I mentioned to a friend that another friend recommended UbuWeb to me, and now literally EVERY TIME I mention the second friend to the first friend, the first friend says "oh, yeah. That's the friend of yours who likes UbuWeb."

You have been warned.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Internet Time Waste #14: A House In California

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

Today's internet time waster: a free-to-download point-and-click art game called "A House in California."

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Internet Time Waste #13: Dumb as a Blog

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

Today: Dumb as a Blog: "a Daily Digest of the Dumbest Stuff People Do."

Sample headline: Beard Waxing Isn't Just for Ladies.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Internet Time Waste #12: Anne Kadet's Myspace

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

Today's internet time waster: Anne Kadet's Myspace.

I found out about Anne from Kevin Maher when I asked him who wrote the theme music for his monthly show (I believe it's titled "The Kevin Geeks Out Haunting Theme.")

I had a dream last night that I had to make a video and I needed to figure out who I knew that would let me use their music royalty-free. Luckily, I have, in real life, already made a iTunes playlist of that music.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Internet Time Waste #11: Aaron Diaz's art blog

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

Today's internet time waster: the blog of Aaron Diaz, author of the webcomic Dresden Codak.

I'm making a point of flying through these things, but with Diaz I want to point out a few things just because they each took me a while to figure out:

1) This webcomics process blog is not just useful to artists, but also will change the way you read comics. After reading Diaz's post explaining silhouette and comic, I often find myself checking the silhouette of the characters in the panels of the comics I read. I've found myself appreciating good design more and noticing when artists get it wrong.

2) When I need to explain to people that Diaz is a genius, this is the individual comic I'm most often thinking about.

3) Aaron is also a member of a video tribe that did the most compelling fan-made video ever shot in a basement with a single camera angle.

4) He invented a "pretend to be a time traveler" day (video here.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Internet Time Wasters #10: Videogames Reviewed by a Nine-Year-Old

This game reviewer is nine years old & very talented.

After intense thought and study, I've decided the user name "horible game reviewer" is not misspelled and self-effacing, but simply misspelled and a misplaced modifier.

You can skip the Chase Utley tribute video if you like, although I think the editing shows real promise.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Internet Time Waster #9: Surprising Sex Terms

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

Today's internet time sinkhole: a surprisingly broad list of technical and slang terms for sexual acts, fetishes and devices. The best thing about reading this list is stumbling across things that obviously make sense to somebody, but you've just never thought of. Sample:

angry dragon
slang for when sperm shoots out of one’s nose after giving a blow job

fetish for turning humans into furniture, through elaborate bondage, etc.

TENS unit
electrical stimulis device originally intended for us by chiropractors for muscle work; used in electrical play by Tops on bottoms to cause involuntary muscle spasms

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Internet Time Waste #8: Muscle Milk from Hot Sugar

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

Today's internet time waster: the awaited Muscle Milk EP from Hot Sugar.

Hot Sugar is this kid Nick Koenig, a talented director whose first short film I produced in what was (I'm a bit ashamed to say) the most successful creative project I've ever pulled off.

The EP is free to download from Bandcamp with an email address. The trailer gives you a good impression of the Nick Koenig Aesthetic:

Hot Sugar - Muscle Milk EP (comes out 1-26-11) from Hot Sugar on Vimeo.

I'm writing this a bit in advance of the 1/26 release date, and I have to say the early-release tracks are tremendous.

Hot Sugar! Muscle Milk EP! Do it!

That is all.

Internet Time Waste #7: The 2010 Kickstarter Awards

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

Today's time waste: The 2010 Kickstarter Awards.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Internet Time Waste #6: The Patrick O'Brian Mapping Project

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

Today's time waster: someone has taken the time to map everywhere the characters in the Jack Aubrey / Stephen Maturin novels rode around on their little boats.

(Below: Desolation Island)

Monday, January 24, 2011

Internet Time Waste #5: Int'l Gaming Awards Something Something

Finally, a new way to waste time on the internet.

Today's time waster: the international MObile Gaming Awards announces its nominees for best iPhone and iPad games in six time-wasting categories.